The one to leave behind

Yesterday, I touched on my new best friend. However, on my journey to recovery I've learned that there at some "not so best friends" to avoid as well. There are always going to be people who don't understand or support you, and there are always going to be obstacles that get in the way of success. In my case, there was one obstacle I'm particular: the scale. For years it seemed as thought lived and died by the scale. I would weigh myself each morning after showering and every evening before bed. I literally planned my diet, workouts, and all other activities by the scale. This one small, seemingly ordinary item controlled every aspect of my life because I let it.

It took me a long time to come to this realization on my own. Even though countless people in my life told me this on a regular basis, I had to realize it on my own. I feel that this is a mistake many family members make when dealing with someone with any type of additive behavior: you can't force them to change. My husband tried, my agents tried, my friends tried, but I was the only one who could break my addition with the scale. I had to realize that I could live without it. I had to realize that a number did not set my value; I was more that a number that no one else would ever see. For too long I let my bathroom scale determine my self worth, and I relish the day I set myself free.

As of today, I have not stepped foot on my bathroom scale in over a month. Yes it is still there, as a reminder of where I came from, but I no longer feel controlled by its presence. I currently have no idea how much I weigh, and I am okay with that. It is such a freeing feeling to know that a year ago I could tell anyone (even though I never would have) at any time how much I weighed, and now I truly don't care. Yes, I want to live a healthy life, but I now realize that weight does not equal health. At one point I weighs 110 pounds, but I wasn't healthy, and according to the BMI I was still overweight. I've learned that a number does not make me who I am, and that I should not base my worth by any number, be it my weight, my dress size, or my calorie intake. While I will still work to create a healthy lifestyle minus one key element: the dared bathroom scale.