It has been exactly 219 days since my last post. For 219 days, my thoughts have remained inside my head, for the most part; that is not to say however that I haven't been busy. In the past 219 days I have begun my masters degree, taught a new grade, gotten and since gotten rid of a puppy, lost 15 pounds, gained 20, and helped my little brother propose to his now fiance. The past 219 days have been many things fun, stressful, and productive, the one thing they have not been is healthy.
In 219 days I have successfully tried and failed at over 5 different diets. I tried the couch to half marathon program, the couch to 5K program, advocare, weight watchers, the fitness pal app, and most recently the Biggest Loser banwagon. I am not saying that these programs are not good programs. Thousands of people have experienced wonderful lasting results with these programs. I however, am not one of them. I would begin a program, stick with it for about a week, two weeks if I was really lucky, and then become disenchanted. It was as if I expected to lose all 50 pounds overnight and wake up looking like Megan Fox's identical twin. I would go balls to the wall, all or nothing for 7 days, not experience amazing super human results, and decide that I couldn't do it. I wanted the Hollywood quick fix; lypo without the actual procedure. I was, in effect, waiting for the dieting miracle to occur.
For the past 219 days my diet mentality has been "I'll start tomorrow." I would tell myself each day that I would "get it today." Then, around 10 am I would eat a piece of candy, decide that the day wouldn't be perfet, and throw in the towel. I would plan to exercise each day, but eventually just sit my ass on the couch and tell myself that tomorrow would be different. Well, that tomorrow is finally here. I'm done telling myself that tomorrow will be better, when I have the change to experience that "better" today. For 219 days, I told myself that I would begin tomorrow.
Welcome to day 220, and look what time it is... "tomorrow"
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Going for gold
Olympic glory comes but once every 4 years. The athletes train for years for their one shot at glory. Unfortunately, for many the games end leaving them wanting. However, you don't have to be an Olympic athlete to achieve success. Over the past few weeks, as I've been off the books so to speak, I've also been living vicariously through those at the olympic games. As I've watched people, in the peak of physical condition, I've sat on my lazy ass and wished to be like them. I didn't step up my workouts... Or really push myself at all. I know that I'm probably never going to be in Olympic gymnast shape, but I can achieve my own personal health goals. But I won't even do that by sitting on my couch and eating cookies. I have to get out there, where ever that it, and make myself work.
This morning, as I begrudgingly awoke at 5:00 am to my unwelcomed alarm, I knew that I had to get back on track. My first of my three races is in less than a months time, and I have fallen far from my training routine. I realized this, after the initial shock of seeing an hour that I had managed to elude for many weeks, and knew that today was my "now or never." Thus, after cursing the time once more, I managed to squeeze into my running clothes and knock out 30 min on my treadmill. Now inrealize that this is far from an Olympic victory, but for myself it was a small gold medal moment. I realize that I will probably never stand on the podium as the national anthem blares out to a crowd of thousands, but I started my school year off on the right foot, and I think I might have heard the faintest of patriotic melodies in the background.
This morning, as I begrudgingly awoke at 5:00 am to my unwelcomed alarm, I knew that I had to get back on track. My first of my three races is in less than a months time, and I have fallen far from my training routine. I realized this, after the initial shock of seeing an hour that I had managed to elude for many weeks, and knew that today was my "now or never." Thus, after cursing the time once more, I managed to squeeze into my running clothes and knock out 30 min on my treadmill. Now inrealize that this is far from an Olympic victory, but for myself it was a small gold medal moment. I realize that I will probably never stand on the podium as the national anthem blares out to a crowd of thousands, but I started my school year off on the right foot, and I think I might have heard the faintest of patriotic melodies in the background.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Health on a Budget
In adapting a healthy lifestyle, I've done more than simply committ to a workout plan. I've also become mor concious about what I put into my body. That's not to say that passed up the oatmeal cookies I made tonight... Oatmeal is healthy right... However, I've also become much more aware at the increasing total on my grocery bill. While eating healthy and living a health concious life style seems to be "all the rage" in pop media, the healthy choices in stores seem to be the most costly as well. It's become popular to be healthy, and healthy food has answered the demand of the masses. You can find healthy choices on a,most every aisle at the grocery store...at a heafty premium. For instance, I could buy healthy green beans for $1.25/lb or an entire bag of frenchfries for the same price. It almost appears that if you want to eat healthy, you have to be willing to pay for it. You all know what I'm talking about too. It's as if my wallet cries a title as I we down the health food aisle, and heaven for it if I need vitamins. I committed myself to a healthy lifestyle, but I didn't realize that I was committing to increased costs as well.
Thus, this week, I'm on a mission to reduce my grocery budget, and still have healthy meals and snacks for my husband and I for the entire week. I'm working on my grocery list tonight and will go shipping in the morning. I am determined to stick to my healthy lifestyle and my budget!
Thus, this week, I'm on a mission to reduce my grocery budget, and still have healthy meals and snacks for my husband and I for the entire week. I'm working on my grocery list tonight and will go shipping in the morning. I am determined to stick to my healthy lifestyle and my budget!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Back on the horse
It's not how you fall, but how you pick yourself up once you do. One of the main things I learned during the entire healing process is to admit when you are wrong, and today I was. I fell off the horse today and made myself sick after dinner today. I know that what I did was wrong, and there are a million and one things I can tell myself about what I did that would have sent me into a downwards spiral in the past. However, I vow to accept what I did and move on. Yes I made a bad choice, but I can move on from this. Please pray for my strength and determination to move on and return to my health driven life.
I can fine some cumfort in this. A year ago, I never would have told anyone of this. Today however, I can admit my failures and use them as guidance for the future.
I can fine some cumfort in this. A year ago, I never would have told anyone of this. Today however, I can admit my failures and use them as guidance for the future.
The one to leave behind
Yesterday, I touched on my new best friend. However, on my journey to recovery I've learned that there at some "not so best friends" to avoid as well. There are always going to be people who don't understand or support you, and there are always going to be obstacles that get in the way of success. In my case, there was one obstacle I'm particular: the scale. For years it seemed as thought lived and died by the scale. I would weigh myself each morning after showering and every evening before bed. I literally planned my diet, workouts, and all other activities by the scale. This one small, seemingly ordinary item controlled every aspect of my life because I let it.
It took me a long time to come to this realization on my own. Even though countless people in my life told me this on a regular basis, I had to realize it on my own. I feel that this is a mistake many family members make when dealing with someone with any type of additive behavior: you can't force them to change. My husband tried, my agents tried, my friends tried, but I was the only one who could break my addition with the scale. I had to realize that I could live without it. I had to realize that a number did not set my value; I was more that a number that no one else would ever see. For too long I let my bathroom scale determine my self worth, and I relish the day I set myself free.
As of today, I have not stepped foot on my bathroom scale in over a month. Yes it is still there, as a reminder of where I came from, but I no longer feel controlled by its presence. I currently have no idea how much I weigh, and I am okay with that. It is such a freeing feeling to know that a year ago I could tell anyone (even though I never would have) at any time how much I weighed, and now I truly don't care. Yes, I want to live a healthy life, but I now realize that weight does not equal health. At one point I weighs 110 pounds, but I wasn't healthy, and according to the BMI I was still overweight. I've learned that a number does not make me who I am, and that I should not base my worth by any number, be it my weight, my dress size, or my calorie intake. While I will still work to create a healthy lifestyle minus one key element: the dared bathroom scale.
It took me a long time to come to this realization on my own. Even though countless people in my life told me this on a regular basis, I had to realize it on my own. I feel that this is a mistake many family members make when dealing with someone with any type of additive behavior: you can't force them to change. My husband tried, my agents tried, my friends tried, but I was the only one who could break my addition with the scale. I had to realize that I could live without it. I had to realize that a number did not set my value; I was more that a number that no one else would ever see. For too long I let my bathroom scale determine my self worth, and I relish the day I set myself free.
As of today, I have not stepped foot on my bathroom scale in over a month. Yes it is still there, as a reminder of where I came from, but I no longer feel controlled by its presence. I currently have no idea how much I weigh, and I am okay with that. It is such a freeing feeling to know that a year ago I could tell anyone (even though I never would have) at any time how much I weighed, and now I truly don't care. Yes, I want to live a healthy life, but I now realize that weight does not equal health. At one point I weighs 110 pounds, but I wasn't healthy, and according to the BMI I was still overweight. I've learned that a number does not make me who I am, and that I should not base my worth by any number, be it my weight, my dress size, or my calorie intake. While I will still work to create a healthy lifestyle minus one key element: the dared bathroom scale.
Woman's best friend
A diamond is a girl's best friend. It's true that my diamond landed me my best friend and husband a little more than a year ago, but it seemed silly that I get diamonds and men get the dog. Don't get me wrong, I like sparkle and glitter just as much as the next girl, but why is dog "man's" best friend? My entire life I've asked for a puppy on every holiday, birthday, or whenever given a chance, and I finally got my own running partner last Thursday.
I can honestly say that Bailey, my 8 month old English cocker spaniel, is officially "women's" best friend. She took to me almost immediately and has followed in my footsteps since arriving at the house. When I'm on the couch, she's on the couch; when I'm in the kitchen, she's in the kitchen. Basically, wherever you find me, you'll find the dog. Luckily, this also includes my workouts. Bailey is not only my new personal pup, but also my own personal trainer. Every morning since arriving at our house, Bailey and I have embarked on put daily run/walk. She has become a wonderful motivator to get me out and moving each day, and I truly feel more energetic after each walk.
I can honestly say that Bailey, my 8 month old English cocker spaniel, is officially "women's" best friend. She took to me almost immediately and has followed in my footsteps since arriving at the house. When I'm on the couch, she's on the couch; when I'm in the kitchen, she's in the kitchen. Basically, wherever you find me, you'll find the dog. Luckily, this also includes my workouts. Bailey is not only my new personal pup, but also my own personal trainer. Every morning since arriving at our house, Bailey and I have embarked on put daily run/walk. She has become a wonderful motivator to get me out and moving each day, and I truly feel more energetic after each walk.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Hindsight is always 20 x20
I spent 10 very long, very wet hours in the car today. While the end justified the means, and I am now the proud mommy of a new puppy, it was not the best day health wise. After committing to think more about the foods I put into my body yesterday, I comitted the all time health no-no today... Fast food.
In the past, this occurrence would have begun a downward spiral that ended one of two ways: either a writeoff as a failed diet attempt or an all out binge session which might have included but not been limited to 2-3 large fries, a milkshake, and an ungodly number of cheeseburgers. Needless to say, I now realize that both of these options are entirely unhealthy. Not only do they perpetuate a defeatist attitude, but they also enforce the idea of perfectiom no matter what; an idea I needed to learn to live without.
Today, as I downed my oh so delicious chic-fil-a hash browns, i realized something. It is pointless to give up on a goal just because of one minor slip up. Yes, I didn't get a chance to run before getting in the car at 6:45 this morning, and no, I probably shouldn't have order a chicken biscuit, but I did and I will live. And most importantly, i can still rachmmy long term goals. Thus, with my hind site at 20x20, I've decided to examine fast food tonight and find some healthy lifestyle choices on the dreaded drive through menu. By doing this, I am not saying that I am forever giving up my fast food cravings. I am simply allowing myself to indulge in them every once in a while, while making more health concious choices on a regular basis.
Today I visited not only chic-fil-a, but also Taco Bell, and at both of these fine establishments, I indulged in some of my favorite fast food creations. At chic-fil-a, I had their famous chicken biscuit, hash browns, and an orange juice. Now, while this meal was not the healthiest of choices with its higher fat and sugar content, it was what I wanted. And in result, what I ordered. One of the key things I learned while overcoming my eating disorder is to give your body what it wants and not to feel guilty for wanting it in the first place. It's better in the long run to give your body that piece of chocolate cake than to withhold these items and indulge in them during a binge only to feel guilty later. Thus, I had my favorite fast food breakfast meal. However, there are healthier choices that my hindsight helped me to locate for next time. For instance, I could replace the hash browns with a fruit cup, or the orange juice with a diet lemonade to save on sugar. I could get the hash browns with oatmeal instead of the biscuit, or have their egg biscuit which cuts out the fried aspect. There are all kinds of ways to be more health concious while stil enjoying the foods that dieters often consider "forbidden." After all, it doesn't matter how healthy a food is; if you don't like the taste, you probably won't eat it.
Today was a turning point for me in my recovery. I was able to eat food that I once deemed "bad" without feeling guilty. I wasn't able to get in my workout today, but I know that I will work hard tomorrow. When adopting a healthy lifestyle the most important thing is not being "skinny" but being happy with who you become in the end. I now realize that I can still be happy with who I become even if there are a few hash browns sprinkled into the mix every now and then.
In the past, this occurrence would have begun a downward spiral that ended one of two ways: either a writeoff as a failed diet attempt or an all out binge session which might have included but not been limited to 2-3 large fries, a milkshake, and an ungodly number of cheeseburgers. Needless to say, I now realize that both of these options are entirely unhealthy. Not only do they perpetuate a defeatist attitude, but they also enforce the idea of perfectiom no matter what; an idea I needed to learn to live without.
Today, as I downed my oh so delicious chic-fil-a hash browns, i realized something. It is pointless to give up on a goal just because of one minor slip up. Yes, I didn't get a chance to run before getting in the car at 6:45 this morning, and no, I probably shouldn't have order a chicken biscuit, but I did and I will live. And most importantly, i can still rachmmy long term goals. Thus, with my hind site at 20x20, I've decided to examine fast food tonight and find some healthy lifestyle choices on the dreaded drive through menu. By doing this, I am not saying that I am forever giving up my fast food cravings. I am simply allowing myself to indulge in them every once in a while, while making more health concious choices on a regular basis.
Today I visited not only chic-fil-a, but also Taco Bell, and at both of these fine establishments, I indulged in some of my favorite fast food creations. At chic-fil-a, I had their famous chicken biscuit, hash browns, and an orange juice. Now, while this meal was not the healthiest of choices with its higher fat and sugar content, it was what I wanted. And in result, what I ordered. One of the key things I learned while overcoming my eating disorder is to give your body what it wants and not to feel guilty for wanting it in the first place. It's better in the long run to give your body that piece of chocolate cake than to withhold these items and indulge in them during a binge only to feel guilty later. Thus, I had my favorite fast food breakfast meal. However, there are healthier choices that my hindsight helped me to locate for next time. For instance, I could replace the hash browns with a fruit cup, or the orange juice with a diet lemonade to save on sugar. I could get the hash browns with oatmeal instead of the biscuit, or have their egg biscuit which cuts out the fried aspect. There are all kinds of ways to be more health concious while stil enjoying the foods that dieters often consider "forbidden." After all, it doesn't matter how healthy a food is; if you don't like the taste, you probably won't eat it.
Today was a turning point for me in my recovery. I was able to eat food that I once deemed "bad" without feeling guilty. I wasn't able to get in my workout today, but I know that I will work hard tomorrow. When adopting a healthy lifestyle the most important thing is not being "skinny" but being happy with who you become in the end. I now realize that I can still be happy with who I become even if there are a few hash browns sprinkled into the mix every now and then.
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