Going for gold

Olympic glory comes but once every 4 years. The athletes train for years for their one shot at glory. Unfortunately, for many the games end leaving them wanting. However, you don't have to be an Olympic athlete to achieve success. Over the past few weeks, as I've been off the books so to speak, I've also been living vicariously through those at the olympic games. As I've watched people, in the peak of physical condition, I've sat on my lazy ass and wished to be like them. I didn't step up my workouts... Or really push myself at all. I know that I'm probably never going to be in Olympic gymnast shape, but I can achieve my own personal health goals. But I won't even do that by sitting on my couch and eating cookies. I have to get out there, where ever that it, and make myself work.

This morning, as I begrudgingly awoke at 5:00 am to my unwelcomed alarm, I knew that I had to get back on track. My first of my three races is in less than a months time, and I have fallen far from my training routine. I realized this, after the initial shock of seeing an hour that I had managed to elude for many weeks, and knew that today was my "now or never." Thus, after cursing the time once more, I managed to squeeze into my running clothes and knock out 30 min on my treadmill. Now inrealize that this is far from an Olympic victory, but for myself it was a small gold medal moment. I realize that I will probably never stand on the podium as the national anthem blares out to a crowd of thousands, but I started my school year off on the right foot, and I think I might have heard the faintest of patriotic melodies in the background.

Health on a Budget

In adapting a healthy lifestyle, I've done more than simply committ to a workout plan. I've also become mor concious about what I put into my body. That's not to say that passed up the oatmeal cookies I made tonight... Oatmeal is healthy right... However, I've also become much more aware at the increasing total on my grocery bill. While eating healthy and living a health concious life style seems to be "all the rage" in pop media, the healthy choices in stores seem to be the most costly as well. It's become popular to be healthy, and healthy food has answered the demand of the masses. You can find healthy choices on a,most every aisle at the grocery store...at a heafty premium. For instance, I could buy healthy green beans for $1.25/lb or an entire bag of frenchfries for the same price. It almost appears that if you want to eat healthy, you have to be willing to pay for it. You all know what I'm talking about too. It's as if my wallet cries a title as I we down the health food aisle, and heaven for it if I need vitamins. I committed myself to a healthy lifestyle, but I didn't realize that I was committing to increased costs as well.

Thus, this week, I'm on a mission to reduce my grocery budget, and still have healthy meals and snacks for my husband and I for the entire week. I'm working on my grocery list tonight and will go shipping in the morning. I am determined to stick to my healthy lifestyle and my budget!

Back on the horse

It's not how you fall, but how you pick yourself up once you do. One of the main things I learned during the entire healing process is to admit when you are wrong, and today I was. I fell off the horse today and made myself sick after dinner today. I know that what I did was wrong, and there are a million and one things I can tell myself about what I did that would have sent me into a downwards spiral in the past. However, I vow to accept what I did and move on. Yes I made a bad choice, but I can move on from this. Please pray for my strength and determination to move on and return to my health driven life.

I can fine some cumfort in this. A year ago, I never would have told anyone of this. Today however, I can admit my failures and use them as guidance for the future.

The one to leave behind

Yesterday, I touched on my new best friend. However, on my journey to recovery I've learned that there at some "not so best friends" to avoid as well. There are always going to be people who don't understand or support you, and there are always going to be obstacles that get in the way of success. In my case, there was one obstacle I'm particular: the scale. For years it seemed as thought lived and died by the scale. I would weigh myself each morning after showering and every evening before bed. I literally planned my diet, workouts, and all other activities by the scale. This one small, seemingly ordinary item controlled every aspect of my life because I let it.

It took me a long time to come to this realization on my own. Even though countless people in my life told me this on a regular basis, I had to realize it on my own. I feel that this is a mistake many family members make when dealing with someone with any type of additive behavior: you can't force them to change. My husband tried, my agents tried, my friends tried, but I was the only one who could break my addition with the scale. I had to realize that I could live without it. I had to realize that a number did not set my value; I was more that a number that no one else would ever see. For too long I let my bathroom scale determine my self worth, and I relish the day I set myself free.

As of today, I have not stepped foot on my bathroom scale in over a month. Yes it is still there, as a reminder of where I came from, but I no longer feel controlled by its presence. I currently have no idea how much I weigh, and I am okay with that. It is such a freeing feeling to know that a year ago I could tell anyone (even though I never would have) at any time how much I weighed, and now I truly don't care. Yes, I want to live a healthy life, but I now realize that weight does not equal health. At one point I weighs 110 pounds, but I wasn't healthy, and according to the BMI I was still overweight. I've learned that a number does not make me who I am, and that I should not base my worth by any number, be it my weight, my dress size, or my calorie intake. While I will still work to create a healthy lifestyle minus one key element: the dared bathroom scale.

Woman's best friend

A diamond is a girl's best friend. It's true that my diamond landed me my best friend and husband a little more than a year ago, but it seemed silly that I get diamonds and men get the dog. Don't get me wrong, I like sparkle and glitter just as much as the next girl, but why is dog "man's" best friend? My entire life I've asked for a puppy on every holiday, birthday, or whenever given a chance, and I finally got my own running partner last Thursday.

I can honestly say that Bailey, my 8 month old English cocker spaniel, is officially "women's" best friend. She took to me almost immediately and has followed in my footsteps since arriving at the house. When I'm on the couch, she's on the couch; when I'm in the kitchen, she's in the kitchen. Basically, wherever you find me, you'll find the dog. Luckily, this also includes my workouts. Bailey is not only my new personal pup, but also my own personal trainer. Every morning since arriving at our house, Bailey and I have embarked on put daily run/walk. She has become a wonderful motivator to get me out and moving each day, and I truly feel more energetic after each walk.

Hindsight is always 20 x20

I spent 10 very long, very wet hours in the car today. While the end justified the means, and I am now the proud mommy of a new puppy, it was not the best day health wise. After committing to think more about the foods I put into my body yesterday, I comitted the all time health no-no today... Fast food.

In the past, this occurrence would have begun a downward spiral that ended one of two ways: either a writeoff as a failed diet attempt or an all out binge session which might have included but not been limited to 2-3 large fries, a milkshake, and an ungodly number of cheeseburgers. Needless to say, I now realize that both of these options are entirely unhealthy. Not only do they perpetuate a defeatist attitude, but they also enforce the idea of perfectiom no matter what; an idea I needed to learn to live without.

Today, as I downed my oh so delicious chic-fil-a hash browns, i realized something. It is pointless to give up on a goal just because of one minor slip up. Yes, I didn't get a chance to run before getting in the car at 6:45 this morning, and no, I probably shouldn't have order a chicken biscuit, but I did and I will live. And most importantly, i can still rachmmy long term goals. Thus, with my hind site at 20x20, I've decided to examine fast food tonight and find some healthy lifestyle choices on the dreaded drive through menu. By doing this, I am not saying that I am forever giving up my fast food cravings. I am simply allowing myself to indulge in them every once in a while, while making more health concious choices on a regular basis.

Today I visited not only chic-fil-a, but also Taco Bell, and at both of these fine establishments, I indulged in some of my favorite fast food creations. At chic-fil-a, I had their famous chicken biscuit, hash browns, and an orange juice. Now, while this meal was not the healthiest of choices with its higher fat and sugar content, it was what I wanted. And in result, what I ordered. One of the key things I learned while overcoming my eating disorder is to give your body what it wants and not to feel guilty for wanting it in the first place. It's better in the long run to give your body that piece of chocolate cake than to withhold these items and indulge in them during a binge only to feel guilty later. Thus, I had my favorite fast food breakfast meal. However, there are healthier choices that my hindsight helped me to locate for next time. For instance, I could replace the hash browns with a fruit cup, or the orange juice with a diet lemonade to save on sugar. I could get the hash browns with oatmeal instead of the biscuit, or have their egg biscuit which cuts out the fried aspect. There are all kinds of ways to be more health concious while stil enjoying the foods that dieters often consider "forbidden." After all, it doesn't matter how healthy a food is; if you don't like the taste, you probably won't eat it.

Today was a turning point for me in my recovery. I was able to eat food that I once deemed "bad" without feeling guilty. I wasn't able to get in my workout today, but I know that I will work hard tomorrow. When adopting a healthy lifestyle the most important thing is not being "skinny" but being happy with who you become in the end. I now realize that I can still be happy with who I become even if there are a few hash browns sprinkled into the mix every now and then.

You are what you eat

You've always heard the phrase "you are what you eat," and believe it or not, it's true. Now that doesn't mean that you will turn into a giant doughnut, but your waist might begin to resemble one if you don't keep your sweet tooth in check.

This phrase has also fueled and guided the weight loss industry in our country for years. Many programs promise fast results with the help of "super foods" or supplements. Wile these famed miracle plans do produce results... Sometimes... They are often short lived. That is because you truly are what you eat. If you simply take a magic pill that supresses your appetite, you are not training your body to eat healthier... You're simply teaching it NOT to eat. What you really want to do is teach your body and train your mind to want healthier options.


Unfortunately, at this time I resemble that afore mentioned doughnut slightly more than I'd like it to. I feel that some of this is attributed to my many failed diet sttempts I've tried weight watchers, Atkins, and several different diet plans I found online, but I never get lasting results. The reason I feel that many diets do not work in the long run is because they are for a finite amount of time. One week, one month, 90 days, ect. You can't eat healthy for a short period of time and then return to old habits and expect the weight to stay off. In a way that's what I did. When I did finally get my bulimia under control, I still ate as though it would binge and purge, but there was no purging going on. I would consume 6,000 calories at a time and they would stay in my body. Though I'd rather deal with weight gain than an eating disorder, I still have to retrain my body how to eat. That is why I am not dieting, I am beginning a new lifestyle. By making small changes and being mindful of what I put into my body I will hopefully experience lasting results.


Tonight I found a lasagna roll up recipe and made it a little more health concious.
http://www.ivillage.com/chicken-and-cheese-lasagna-roll-ups/3-r-60638

Tini lasagna roll ups:

9 lasagna noodles
1c part skim ricotta cheese
1/2c Parmesan cheese
2c shredded chicken
1/4c skim milk
1 med zucchini
1 med squash
1/2c shredded carrots

1. Cook lasagna noodles until slightly less than aldente
2. Spread half of sauce into the bottom of a 9x13 pan and preheat oven to 375
3. In large bowl, combine all remaining ingredients except remaining sauce
4. Once noodles are drained and rinsed spread 1/2c of mixture onto noodle and roll noodle like a jelly roll and place fold side down into the pan.
5. Once all noodles are filled and rolled top with remaining sauce.
6. Cover pan with tin foil and cook for 30 min.

To make the recipe more health concious I used whole wheat pasta, and part skim ricotta and Parmesan cheese. By using part skim cheese you save a lot of fat without loosing flavor. The one health food I will NOT do is fat free cheese products... They are just gross.

I hope you enjoy the recipe.

Old habits die hard

All throughout my cross country days, I was told that if I smiled that I could run harder. When I trained, I was constantly told to reach my cumfort zone and then push further. However, this mentality has crossed over from just my training and permiated all aspects of my life. Unfortunately, this is the same mentality that drive my eating disorder for so long. I was trained to strive for perfection, and I demanded it from myself. As I embark on this new health journey, I am worried that this mentality will try to overpower my well-intentioned vision. Infact, as I began my workout today, the ugly monster of perfection reared its ugly head.

Today I completed my 20 min walk, but I amped it up a bit. It was WAY too hot and humid to walk outside today, although that is always my first choice, so I used my treadmill. I started off with the intention to ease myself back into the whole "working out thing," but about 30 seconds into my workout I was already pushing myself to do better. I decided on a brisk pace of 3.5 mph, but every min I upped the incline 1/2 a degree. I started at 2 and spent the next 19 minutes gradually increasing the incline on the treadmill. At the end of the workout I felt much more satisfied than if I had just walked along on the treadmill for 20 minutes without the urge to challenge myself. In hindsite, I feel that my longstanding nechador perfection will payoff in my new health venture. I will have to keep myself in check, but I think that today was t,y the start of something great.

Walk before you run

Today is day 1 of my first training regimen. As noted in my previous post, I will be competing in at least one 5k, one 10 k, and a half marathon before my 25 birthday on March 27. I have officially registered for the races as of this morning, and I encourage you to run them with me. I will be competing in my first race on September 2, after my 9 week training schedule. I will then compete in a memorial 10k the Saturday after Thanksgiving, on November 24. Finally, I will be meeting 2 of my goals in one when I compete in the Disney princess half marathon on February 24. I'm excited to begin training towards these goals and hopefully developing a new healthy lifestyle along the way. Wish me luck, and look for my future postings where I will outline my training, diet ideas, and lessons I learn along the way. Happy running.

Journey of a thousand miles

Today I took my first step towards a new healthy life; I acknowledged my current life isn't working. Thus, I have decided to run, both physically and mentally, towards a brighter future. Over the next several months I have decided to conquer the beginning "trifecta" of the running world. I will begin with where I started, completing a 5K, or running s race of 3.1 miles. Then, I will run a 10K (6.2 miles), and complete my running with a half marathon (13.1 miles). I will be recording my training, eating habits, and any motivational experiences I encounter along the way on this blog I hope you enjoy my journey, and that my run inspires you to begin one of your own. I will end this entry with one of my favorite running quotes : Everyday in Africa, a lion wakes up and knows that it must run faster than the slowest gazel, Or it will starve. That same morning, a gazel wakes up and knows it must run faster than the fastest lion, or it will be eaten. However, It doesn't matter if you're the lion or the gazel, when the sun comes up, you better be moving.

Why "run Tini run"

Throughout my entire life, I have been known as "Tini." At only 4'11 the name comes naturally, and being that my given name is Christina, it just stuck. I have also spent my life running. I began running, the sport, in middle school as a way to "run" from my weight. Being UTalian, food is a large part of my life, and unfortunately so is my constant struggle with the scale. I began cross country officially in high school, and fell in love with the sport, quickly adopting the slogan " my sport is your sport's punishment." I was proud to run, and proud of how I looked. However, I constantly heard the voice in the back of my mind edging me to be skinnier. My current weight was never enough. In college, my weight really bgan to spiral out of control. The freshman 15 quickly became the freshman 30, and my self esteem plummeted as the numbers on the scale rose. By Christmas of my freshman year I weighed 170 pounds, the highest I had ever weighed, and unfortunately, I have maxed out that number at the present time. Partially, I blame the 24 hour dining hall service, but there were other forces at work here. At this point in my life I was still running, but in a different way now. I was no longer physically running, as seen by the increasing larger numbers on the scale, but rather mentally running away from the past. My first weekend as a freshman, I dealt with a horrific tragedy. I felt that in some way this had been my fault, and that if I told anyone I would be punished. So, for the next year of my life I kept this a secret from everyone, including my parents, and rather ran away from this "guilt" with the help of food. I'm not entirely sure how I survived first semester. I acted happy, but on the inside I was hating myself with every fiber of my being. I didn't make the friends that most people talk about. I fact, I rarely came out of my room except to eat and go to class. I poured myself into my studies, and spent all my money on food or clothing that I never wore. I thought that if I dressed expensively, that I would simply blend into the background. The summer after freshman year, I was diagnosed with high cholesterol and deemed "obese" by the BMI. This felt like the final blow in a series of heartaches. Not only was I fat, dealing with an unthinkable situation by myself, and broke due to the excessive spending, but now I had a medical condition. Thus, I began to "run" again. I remember sitting in my dorm room, finishing off the last of a pint of snickers ice cream and feeling entirely disgusted with myself. At that point, I got up, walked into the furthest bathroom stall, and stuck my finger down my throat. The feeling of throwing up was literally a freeing feeling for me. It was the first time I had felt incontrol of my life in the past year, and thus my next "race" had begun. I spent the next 5 months alternatively starving myself and binging and purging on a regular basis. I would eat less than 200 calories on some days, and in excess of 6,000 on others. I spent over 2 hours in the gym each and every day, and slowly the pounds fell off. With each pound lost, I felt my confidence grow, and by December of my sophomore year, I weighed 110 pounds. However, I still saw myself as "fat." I didn't realize how unhealthy I was, or that I had a problem. That Christmas, I finally told my family about what had happened to me that first week of freshman year, but I now had a new secret. I remember worrying about how I would purge when I was at home, and feeling relief when I returned to school. I had been running for so long now, that I didn't know how to stop. By the summer after sophomore year, double zero pants were too big for me, and I had to have a bridesmaids dress taken in that was a size 2. I was at the height of my eating disorder, and still in denial of the fact that I was running away from my insecurities. It took the courage of a loved one to call me out and convince me to get help. At first, I was so angry that they had told my secret to my parents, but now I can't thank them enought for beginning my healing. I began seeing a counselor and finally facing all the demons that had been hiding in my closet for so long. Now, I can say with confidence that I can talks about all of these events objectively, without letting them place value onto myself. In my healing however, I developed an aversion to exercise, since it was such an intense part of my life for so long. I had lost weight, but did not do so in a healthy way. In the past 3 years since I began my recovery, I have gained back up to 175 pounds which is where I am currently as I sit and write this blog. I realize now, that this was not entierly avoidable, as I never really learned how to be health. I had just discovered how to lose weight. Thus, I am returning to my roots, running. They say that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single stop, and I am taking that step today. I am beginning on a weight loss journey that will hopefully not only help me get my weight and diet under control, but also discover a new way of thinking and living. I am deciding to run again. But this time, I will be running towards my future, which will be one of joy and self acceptance. This is not to say that this road will be easy, nor that I won't be challenged by my past habits. However, I am saying that for the first time in a long time that I will be running towards a goal rather than running away from a memory.